a few words of recognitionThe past couple of weeks have held some difficult days for L and me. Family and friends are a very important part of her life, and recently some important members of both categories have moved quite some distance away. This has coincided with the early part of our cohabitation which, despite all the things we both love about living together now, has naturally added to her stress. We've both been making the accomodations in our individual lives inherent in sharing space with another and working on deepening the D/s aspect of our relationship. These things can create trying times in and of themselves. Add to them the additional stressors that L has been dealing with and there's plenty of potential for emotional turmoil.
Throughout all this, though, L has been amazing -- ever sweet, never self-absorbed, always loving and attentive. She's a very strong girl. Yes, there have been times when her anguish has been a bit more than she could handle alone. But it's been a wonderful thing to see the results of simply holding her, giving her some words of encouragement, and assuring her that I will always be here for her. Good therapy and the sort of thing that I thoroughly enjoy doing. It's a dominant's responsibility to be supportive of his submissive, but with L it never feels like a "duty." It is a labor of love.
One other little note of special meaning to me.
Our local group had its monthly gathering a few days ago. We were happy to attend this one after missing last month's due to being out of state. At one point in the evening, she noticed me looking at her and smiled broadly. I smiled back, then reached and touched the D-ring on the leather 'round her neck. "Nice collar," I said. "Thank you," she replied. "It belongs to my Master." It was the first time she'd used the "M-word" in reference to me in a public setting, and it is a moment I will never forget.
posted by John | 9:32 AM [permalink] | |
Thursday, September 02, 2004
on the way backYou may have noticed that after speculating here about a month ago about why weblogs by dominants seemed relatively rare, I seemed to have vanished. The reason(s) behind that disappearance may provide an enlightening clue for that earlier speculation.
To put it plainly, the lovely & talented L and I are now living together. This is a reflection of some very significant changes in the relationship that I'll need to talk about on another occasion. But, I can honestly say that cohabitation is proving to be wonderful for us. There's more time and opportunity for ALL the things we enjoy doing together: talking, cooking and sharing meals, watching movies (and some occasional mindless tv), playing, sex, etc., etc. Our life together is so full that there seems to be much less time available for what were once more solitary pleasures... in my case, for example, writing.
I suppose I should say that I've missed it terribly, but it's not been that bad. Still, I have thought about this project often in recent weeks and have experienced some longing to return to it when things were "more settled." Moving is still in progress, and I'm about to change ISPs, so there may not be regular entries here for a little while yet. I am, however, committed to this project... for my own benefit.
What does all this have to do with the rarity of blogs by Doms? Does it mean they've all moved in with thier submissives and are too busy flogging and f*cking to write?? Well, there may be some truth in that. In the past few weeks that's sort of been my story. There's something more substantial that I'm glimpsing, though.
As our D/s relationship has deepened ...as my role becomes more "Master" than simply "Dom" [[ as WE define those terms! ]]... the responsibility I feel for L naturally grows. As she gives more of herself to me, I recognize that with the acceptance of that surrender comes the duty to protect, comfort, nurture, encourage and stimulate. In order to bring my discipline into her life, I must be certain of my self-discipline.
Even in regard to simple play, for every hour that we actually do play I spend a significant amount of time beforehand contemplating the course I want the scene to take, and even more time afterward analyzing what happened, what didn't happen, what I could have done differently to make it better for both of us, etc.
So, no, it's not that writing time is all absorbed by physical activities (though they are pleasant, and we surely do devote a lot of time to them). A responsible dominant time is also taxed by the nonphysical, less tangible, mental activities inherent in his role... things like trying to ensure an environment that will foster the growth and development of his submissive, examining as best he can the path before them for potential obstacles, and making sure that she never doubts for one instant that she is cherished and treasured and loved.
Naturally, these opinions are strictly mine and are guaranteed to be worth no more than what you're paying for them here.
posted by John | 12:07 PM [permalink] | |