notes to neophytes - part 2My beloved L wrote in her weblog this evening about the mentoring relationship that we're forming with the couple I spoke of in my last post here. I did not know she was planning to do this, but it pleased me to read that we're seeing things so similarly.
One thing she mentioned was that we have given them links to several of our favorite "lifestyle-themed" weblogs. I remember our conversation with them over coffee about this. I knew that they'd already spent a good deal of time scouring several of the better "educational" BDSM web sites, and how found them interesting and informative ...but rather textbookish. I told them that it was really only this year that I'd discovered how very much there was to be learned by reading about the day to day experiences of others (couples in particular, for me) as they worked at living this lifestyle day to day. So to all of you out there who take the time to write from your life and from your heart, please know that you not only entertain, enlighten, and inspire those of us who are already involved... you're providing an invaluable form of education for those who are still in the investigative stage.
With that, here's another excerpt from a recent email, this one written by L in response to questions they had asked of her.
[L], were you in pain when you cried out?
absolutely. but not in the way of, say, stepping on a rock in bare feet, or stubbing you little toe on the wall, or smashing your finger in a door. all of that kind of pain is just pain, and it hurts me just as much as it hurts someone not in the lifestyle. the pain i receive, hell, the pain i CRAVE in a scene, is totally different. yes, it hurts, but i want it to hurt, because it enhances the pleasure. the way my body reacts is at a higher level of intensity than normal, and i love it. and the endorphins are such a wonderful reaction; it’s absolutely a natural high. and when i cry out, it’s because the pain is very intense, and i’m close to the point where i can’t imagine one more sting, but that’s when John stops a moment to let me get my breath, because he knows.
i am a sensation junkie; if it feels good, i want to do it all the time.
Were you nervous or anxious before you got restrained, knowing it was coming?
yep, but that’s all part of the turn-on, part of what makes the intensity so high, and part of why i do it.
Were you embarrassed to do that in front of others---and why or why not?
no, not embarrassed, because these people are the most accepting, tolerant people i have ever met, and it helps me accept myself when i don’t see or hear people reacting to my kink in a negative way. i still have moments where i’ll do something in a scene, and afterward i can’t quite believe i did it, but i’m no longer embarrassed by it. it just gives me more to think about, and more about me to discover.
What do you feel toward John that allows you to do that?
total trust, and total love, and unconditional love from him.
How do you put your will aside and be willing to be the submissive?
oy. that’s difficult to answer, but the short answer is, because i need and want to. and it is because of the trust and love we share, that makes me comfortable enough to be able to put my will aside. i have not always been that submissive, and i know that i will be more submissive in the future, because it is a journey, both with John, and within my self. we exchange power; i don’t give it up completely, i always have the option to safeword and stop the scene if i need to for some reason. so far, i’ve only safeworded once, and that was only to a pause, not a stop in the scene, because John and I have gotten really good at our nonverbal communication during a scene, and he’s really learned to read the signs my body gives when i can’t speak very well. and when i’m in subspace, verbal communication is pretty difficult, because i am, in fact, in an altered state. and it’s a very happy place.
Is it erotically driven or something else that is more cognitive?
both. conscious, unconscious, erotic, non-erotic; all of it.
posted by John | 9:59 PM [permalink]